


"Bitch, I fucking dare you."

by MalevolentMagician



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: A FUNNY Chameleon Rewrite, But OOF I like it, Chamelon Rewrite, Cussing, Enjoyyyy, Gen, I had fun with this!!, I love this show oml, Just a drabble, Man I hope y'all like it oml, Pretty much why it's rated T, but yeah, coolcoolcool, cursing, first fic, pretty OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 02:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17479262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentMagician/pseuds/MalevolentMagician
Summary: A funny Chameleon rewrite inspired by @theluckiestlb on tumblr. I know this is like... 2 months after I *said* I would write this but.. eh, I did get it done eventually (story of my life). A short drabble on what would happen if Mari scared the akuma off with pure bad-assery instead of positivity. Not supposed to be a serious thing. But yeah, I hope y'all enjoy!!





	"Bitch, I fucking dare you."

Marinette rushed through the doors of Collège Françoise Dupont right before the doors closed. The teacher closing the door looked at her with fury and she tripped, almost dropping her croissant. She rushed to class and was excited to see that everyone had moved seats, leaving her next to Adrien! She sneakily (not really) walked to Alya and whisper-screamed “Alya!? Oh my GOD, I can’t believe you managed to have everyone move seats and leave me next to _Adrien_. Like, this is the best day of my life, although I don’t know if it’s the best idea, because whatifIfailschoolsinceI’mstaringatAdriens’facealldayandwe’llneverhaveahousewiththreekidsandahamsternamed-”

“Girl!” Alya berated, “What are you talking about? You’re not sitting next to Adrien? Your new seat is in the back, sorry I didn’t text you or anything, I can’t believe you missed the whole discussion about us changing seats, especially since you’re class representative.” While Alya pondered this lapse in her judgment, Lila walks in seemingly innocent. With a sickeningly sweet tone she announces,

“Oh my goodness! I’m so _glad_ you all remembered my hearing problem! Ever since I saved Jagged Stone’s kitten off a runway in London I’ve been plagued with an awful case of tinnitus…” Marinette went ahead and tuned out Lila’s ridiculous spiel as she was already stressed, and didn’t need to listen to anymore of her lies on top of all of that. However she was unfortunately brought out of her solitude by the same sweet voice saying, “... right Marinette?”

Startled, Marinette didn’t stop to think about what she was about to say,“Huh? Sorry Liar-la what was that?” Lila gasped and the fake tears started almost immediately, “Wh-why would you say that Marinette? Do you really think I’m lying? I understand if you’re just jealous since your life is just so _boring_ compared to mine, but to accuse me of lying? I’m hurt that you would even think such a thing!”

“Oh shut it-” Marinette then turned to the others gathered around Lila, “I cannot believe you guys are listening to this crap. Tinnitus? From saving Jagged Stones “Kitten”, the one he is, you know, allergic to?”

Alya then cut in “-Mari are you _seriously_ digging on someone's illness, something they have no control over? I thought you were better than that. I can't be friends with you if you are going to be like that.” The rest of the class agreed.

“Not cool Marinette.”

“You're our class president! I can't believe this.”

“Wow, that's pretty low, even by Chloe standards.”

Marinette was appalled by how her “friends” were acting, she couldn’t _believe_ it, they would rather believe a two-faced, sleazy fox than someone they had known for years. Marinette stormed off, she couldn't believe them. ‘I have worked my ass off for these idiots, and this is how they return the favor?’ Marinette made it to the bathroom and slammed the stall shut. ‘Not to mention even Alya turned against me. My best friend.’ Sitting down, her anger quickly turned to hot tears.

Tikki phased out of Marinette's purse and placed a comforting paw on her shoulder. “It'll be o...SHIT MARINETTE AKUMA. SNAP OUT OF IT.” Marinette's head snapped up and her tears quickly disappeared. She locked onto the akuma fluttering in front of her face, and a cold anger washed over her.

Not today Hawk-fuck, not today. She took a deep breath, and Tikki watched with anxiety as she wondered what her holder would do. Maybe Marinette would chase it off with positive thinking?

The silence was tense.

Then, Marinette spoke. “Bitch, I fucking _dare_ you.” Tikki then watched as the Akuma stopped beating its wings for a full second, and then turned and flew away.

“Tikki! Spots On!” Ladybug swung out of the bathroom stall, and followed the Akuma straight to Lila, and sensing the opportunity to prove Lila was Evil **™** , she used the camera function on her Yoyo to record Lila snatching the Akuma out of the air and putting it into her earring while saying; “Hello Hawkmoth. My name is Lila Rossi, and I hate Ladybug, give me powers and I promise to get you both her and Chat Noir's miraculous.” After flipping the yoyo camera, winking, and shushing the camera to prove to her class that it was trustworthy she sent the video to the LadyBlog.

After which she strode up to Lila before the transformation could fully take hold, snatched the earring, and purified the akuma. Giving her a smug look Ladybug crooned, “Don't try so hard to be evil Liar-la, it’s not a good look on you.” After detransforming Marinette headed back to the classroom, where Alya was currently watching the video Ladybug had submitted to the Ladyblog. Marinette got to watch with extreme satisfaction as Alya's face went white as a sheet and locked eyes with her, the apologies already bubbling over Alya's lips. After that the class refused to trust Lila, and everything went back to normal. Lila's mom was finally called about her absences and she was punished accordingly, and eventually saw a therapist for her pathological lying habits. All in all, it ended up alright for everybody.

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> Hoo boi, my first fic, thanks to @theuckiestlb for the prompt! Please go follow them on tumblr, they are AWESOME. And also a big thanks to @twoplustwoequalsfuckyou who tagged me and specifically asked me to do this. You are the reason this is here. You can find me on tumblr @malevolent-magician.


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